Although, I do have to say that at one point I spoke up.  Our music director has been taking more than a couple times to throw in his own blocking and staging suggestions.  If I had been directing, I would have said, "Thank you.  I'M directing!" but that's just me.  Anyway, we were staging one of the songs and it was getting a little too busy for me.  I was very worried there was no way we were going to remember all of it and the simpler the better.  Our music director during a break had told our director, "Why don't you try this for the end?" and it was a series of way too many complicated steps, which they started to show us after the break.  We tried it once and everyone was so confused, I finally said, "Why don't we just step in toward the center on those 8 counts?"  Our music director said, "It's not that hard," to which I replied, "This close to Tech Sunday could we PLEASE make it easy on ourselves and do this, thank you!?"  And we kept it the simple way.

We still have THREE numbers to stage.  And we only have 4 rehearsals until Tech Sunday, one of which was supposed to be a sitz probe, but we decided we would need that extra rehearsal.  Considering that we have yet to have run either act completely off book and completely staged, it's very much needed.

This show REALLY should have been completely blocked without the musical numbers within the very first week back from Christmas/New Year's.  Then the musical numbers should have been staged.  And we should have been doing run-throughs all of last week.  Instead, too much attention to detail was taken way too early and now we are all in panic mode that we're not going to know our lines/entrances/exits/staging because of it.  What I'm even more worried about are some of the complex props that we need to work with - such as a telethon type tally board that we have to update throughout the show - but we don't have them yet.  More and more props for sight gags are added and added and it's getting to be too much since we don't actually HAVE the props yet.  Even more importantly, we should have had our robes a week ago.  Some of our staging/blocking is probably going to need to be changed, or at least might be more difficult than we thought because of the monks' robes we'll be wearing.

There is a schism (like how I used that sort of religious reference there?) in the cast.  Two of us, that would be Steve and myself, wanted to get the blocking down ASAP and THEN concentrate on the staging of the musical numbers.  That way, we can memorize both the blocking and lines together every night, and have more time at rehearsals for staging and working numbers.  One other person really doesn't care one way or the other.  And the other two wanted to work, work, work the musical numbers.

We only JUST finished blocking Act II back on Thursday.  And Tech Sunday is in one week.  That leaves me a LOT worried about pulling this show together.  I kept trying to emphasize the fact that we are not playing professional singer/dancers, but monks who are trying to put on a show as a fundraiser, so we should be ragtag, not perfect.  But there was a little too much working of the details early on and that's led other sections to not be touched.  That's when I really start to worry.

Oh, I did manage to work on my lines tonight quite a bit, and I've gotten up to page 80-ish, but I still have lyrics to at least 5 songs to memorize and I'm still shaky on the lines in some spots. 

Linda called me this afternoon and tonight.  She and Steve were going to see Amy's show (which I saw last week) and both times she called asked me to please come out with everyone for drinks afterward.  I really had wanted to work on my lines a lot more so that I would feel more secure for tomorrow afternoon's rehearsal.  But I can't resist seeing Linda and Steve, so I broke down and said yes and went out for just a little bit, hence the reason for my being up at this hour and writing this entry.

Going to see a movie with Amy around noon tomorrow, but then it's back to cracking at those lines and lyrics before I head off to rehearsal at 5pm tomorrow.  I know the show will probably pull itself together by Preview Night.  I just hate feeling insecure in how well I have my lines, lyrics and moves down or not!

Yesterday was a great day.  It was the best I'd felt in the 4 weeks since I got so sick with the tooth, chest and sinus infection.  I worked out yesterday, head is clear, rehearsal was great and my singing voice was the strongest it has been since rehearsals started.

Did not get home from rehearsal until 10:45pm.  Got into bed at midnight.  At 2am I woke up with chills so bad I was shivering and my teeth were chattering and I could NOT warm up.  I thought maybe the heat was out, but I could hear the baseboards clicking, which meant they were working.  The shivering got worse and uncontrollable.  I called my sister, who's an R.N. and she said that it's usually a sign that you're about to spike a fever.  I told her I'd felt great all day and didn't feel feverish, but because of all my dental work I'd just had, she wanted me to get to the E.R.  I bundled up and drove to the one down the street in Solon.  I'd heard too many stories myself about problems people have after major dental work.  Someone just this week told me about the time he had an abcess on the weekend, called his dentist who told him to go straight to the E.R.  The doctors there told him he was very lucky when he'd come in - someone the week before had gone in with almost a similar situation, but the infection went to that guy's brain and killed him.  I've heard a lot about dental work, infections and the heart/brain.  Didn't want to take a chance, even though I just finished 2 rounds of antibiotics yesterday.

Very nice people at this E.R.  Probably the nicest group of people I've been around at an E.R.  And I was lucky enough to be the only person there at that time, if you can call that lucky.  No fever, but they did blood work, then the doctor wanted a chest X-ray. 

This took several hours, waiting on the results.  But the doctor came in and said he wanted a CT Scan with dye contrast.  This is when I began to get chills.  That sounded like overkill to me.  He said, "There is a black area on the X-ray.  It's not clear.  It could be nothing, could be pneumonia, or it could be a mass."  That is when I tried NOT to freak.  He wanted to verify again that I didn't smoke.

Did the CT Scan, with and without the dye.  Waited an agonizing 30 minutes, thinking about the fact that he'd just told me, "If it's pneumonia, we can treat it.  If it's a mass, then you'll want to see your own doctor."  I tried very hard to stay calm.  I kept having songs from the show running in my head, which I thought was a good distraction, so I let them keep running.  Finally, I called my sister (who works the night shift) back and told her what was happening and that I was trying not to freak.  She said to be calm, that it was most likely nothing.

And she was right.  The CT Scan came back clean.  Not even pneumonia.  I'm now just waiting on the blood work to make sure there isn't a blood infection.  Otherwise, the doctor thinks it may just be a virus.

I turned the heat on when I left my place.  It's now 69 degrees in here.  Normally, I put it at 65 degrees to sleep.  I called in to work already.  I'm about to put on my flannel jammies and get back into bed after only 2 hours sleep and after having to think about my own mortality, if only for just 30 minutes.  Hope I can fall asleep easily.

Downtown Disney after the park closed.  There were really brilliant Christmas lights where which just did not show up in the cell phone pic - I think because I may have had the zoom on too far.

Space Mountain - which I almost did not get to ride.  It had been closed for about 2 hours that evening and they didn't know if it was going to re-open.  I went back to check about 20 minutes before the park was supposed to close and the line was open again, but said it was a 45 minute wait.  I got in line anyway and snapped this picture while in line at about 8:15.  They kept it open and anyone who was in line before 8pm got to ride!  I got off the ride at about 8:30pm.

I LOVE this picture!  Came around the corner into Fantasyland from Frontier Land and the sun was setting with the light hitting the Matterhorn.  I grabbed my phone and got the picture.

The Haunted Mansion is converted into a Nightmare Before Christmas ride every Holiday season, going on for about 7 or more years now.  I can't remember the last time I went on the Haunted Mansion when it wasn't done up for the holidays, which was why I saved Disneyland for my last day in CA on January 4th, hoping that maybe it would be back to its old self.  Unfortunately, it was closed because they were still converting it back.  *sigh*

"It's A Small World" all dolled up for Christmas

Beaker as a Crash Test Dummy in the line for Muppets 3D

And I saw this when I left Muppets 3D!

Yay Disney!  Can't wait until they've refurbished Disney's California Adventure.  They are re-doing a lot of it, including adding a Little Mermaid section and ride and a Radiator Springs/Monument Valley area from "Cars" complete with the Radiator Springs Raceway!

Too much to tell.  Number one - My computer died, which is why I've had no entries.  She kept coming up to errors every other day, so I left her with a friend who is an IT Admin just before I left for L.A.  Of course, she booted up fine for him every single day.  It's like taking your car into the mechanic - she'll NEVER make that noise once you get her to the mechanic's!  My computer was doing the same.  Then finally, the day I was flying home, my friend turned her on and there was a loud POP!  The capacitor blew on the motherboard.  After ten years, my Bessie was finally gone.  At least it was fairly quick.  So I am typing this on my new Dell Studio XPS computer - super fast - Intel i7-920 Quad Core with a DDR3 SDRAM 3GB and a 500 GB hard drive.  She is sleek and purty - and she was only half the cost of my poor Betsy.  I had my former supervisor (still within my same dept) looking over my shoulder as I ordered her, telling what I needed and did not need, so I know I've got the best.  I call him The IT Guru and he said, "Even I'M jealous!  That oughta last you for 20 years!" which makes me very happy.

Anyway, much to tell about the trip, but it's very late.  I took over 300 pictures on the train.  It will take me forever to edit and download them.  Maybe I shouldn't even edit them, just leave them as they were.  Suffice it to say, the train trip was absolutely amazing.  And it's something I need to do several times in my life.  The good thing is that now that I've taken all those pictures, I won't need to take any the next time around - just sit back and watch the world go by!

I spent the rest of the trip VERY sick, but I'll tell you all about that later (not that anyone is probably reading this anymore since I've been gone for over a month from Xanga!)

But today...

Today I think may have finally been that proverbial straw.

It seems I can't post something, or e-mail something, without SOMEBODY, SOMEWHERE finding something offensive about it.  Something to get their knickers in a twist.

And I've just had it.  I've REALLY had it. 

I give.  Uncle.  You win.  Stomp on me all you want because I'm done.

Through.

Effective immediately almost all electronic communications are done.  I'm think that it might be that from now on ANYTHING I post on here will be completely Private.  Seen by my eyes only.  Because if all that's going to happen is I'm going to get the Cynics' Parade, the "what the hell does that mean?" parade, then I give up.

I thought I was the main Cynic.  I thought I was the one with the nickname Eeyore.  I thought I was Charlie-Brown-"I-got-a-rock."  But the past few months I've been feeling good and all I've been getting is "What the hell is the matter with you??"  I feel like the puppy with whom the kids are playing "Good dog!!  GOOD dog!!!  Bad dog!! BAAADD dog!!!" back and forth, pulled apart for fun and I don't want to be somebody's tug-o-war chew toy anymore.  I have finally begun to feel for the past few months like I'm shedding the Cynic side of me that has been in control of my life for so long only to have people want to stuff that Cynic right back inside of me.

These are my FRIENDS I'm talking about here.

And if you don't get my humor after all this time???  REALLY???  If you're that offended, then fine.  You won't have to read anymore.

I may send a few "Tweets" via Twitter during my vacation.  But I'm really glad vacation is one week away and I will have three days on a train BY MYSELF.  And 2 and 1/2 weeks mostly away from the computer.

Because Homey don't play that anymore.

EDIT - PS - This is not me beating myself up.  This is not self-flagellation.  This is me VERY ANGRY after having words put in my mouth yet again.

So now I have to get ready for work.  Maybe tonight I'll get a chance.

God I want to go back to sleep so badly!

I came home last night to find a bill from University Hospitals expecting me to pay the difference on a CAT Scan from back in May - probably when I had the kidney stones.  They expect me to pay $650.  With the holidays coming up, I don't have that money.  But what I don't get is why they are expecting me to pay it.

This is what I don't understand about insurance.  I have had to switch insurance so many times in the past several years.  I had United Health Care.  Loved them.  They covered everything and life was good.  But then our company said it was getting to expensive, so if we wanted an HMO, they switched to QualChoice.  Went with them (because the other choices were PPOs, which I don't get and Kaiser, which I don't like).  QualChoice was a pain.  They dragged their feet on paying anything and I constantly had to call to prod them to do it.  Then a year later, QualChoice went under (not surprised) and we had to go with HMO Health Ohio.  They were okay.  What I found interesting with all of these HMOs is that I would see the doctor's/hospital's bills, which were always asking for some ludicrous amount and then later I would see the HMO statement, which would say something along the lines of, "Here's what the doctor/hospital is asking for, and here's what we'll allow and pay."  And what they paid was always miniscule compared to what the doctor/hospital was asking.  BUT I never had to pay anything except the co-pay.

Well, last year we had to change YET again, this time to Aetna.  We just had our open enrollment period and I left everything the same, but now I'm beginning to wonder if I should have switched to this new Flex Spending Plan thing that they started last year and that everyone talks about.  They pay so much, but you also have money going into this pre-tax savings account that you can take out at anytime to pay for ANYTHING medically related and that includes things like the Aspirin you buy at the store to getting a massage.  But I did NOT understand exactly how it worked and couldn't get anyone to explain it for me, so I stuck with Aetna.

But suddenly, I'm getting stuck with bills.  The "Village of Chagrin Falls" just stuck me for the difference of $117 for the ambulance ride I had to take the morning of my first kidney stone.  I paid it without questioning because I figured they weren't a health organization and a lot of times medical insurance only pays so much for Emergency Medical Services and you have to pay the differences - I learned that after being taken away by ambulance from a car accident. 

Now, however, I've got University Hospitals, who asked - get this - for $5,146 to pay for the cost of my 2 minute CAT Scan from my medical insurance.  My medical insurance paid a little less than half of that, and now Univ Hospitals wants me to pay $650 out of my own pocket???  What the FUCK am I paying my damn insurance for if I'm just going to get stuck with that much for a frickin' CAT Scan???  Does that mean from now on when I go in to the doctor's I should say, "Um, let me call Aetna to see whether they're going to pay for it first"??

I'm not paying it.  And why they're waiting to stick me with this bill 6 months after the fact I don't know.  I'm going to write to both University Hospitals and Aetna (and also to the Benefits Dept at our company - I find that when you cc the Benefits Dept, they get things done sooner - always worked with QualChoice) and say, "Look, in the past, all my HMOs have paid an amount that seems to have satisfied the situation.  Now suddenly I'm expected to pay this huge difference??  What gives??"

The reason I'm worried about this is that I had a 2nd CAT Scan after the 2nd kidney stone AND I just had another CAT Scan of my sinuses last week.  If I'm going to be stuck with a bill for another $1,300, I'm going to be livid!!

And yet there are idiots in this country who think we don't need Health Care Reform.  Louie and Amy, perhaps you can explain it to me because of where you work??

Again, don't hate my job and glad to have employment, but I think it's so sad that work has to take up more time in your life than your life itself does.  I think that's just wrong.

Had some great times this week - made it to the Cleveland Museum of Art.  They are about halfway through their renovation.  Whole new East Wing, but only the 2nd floor of it is opened.  The basement floor is for special exhibits, which is currently a Gaugin exhibit.  1st floor not done.  Main 1916 museum is only open on the 2nd floor, too.  Other floors are being re-done, a glass ceiling is being built over the middle atrium and a West Wing is being built.  The 1st floors on the open wings are also being redone.  But they moved the cafe for now to the front of the building.  So you have to go down to the basement, past a bunch of offices and classrooms, then wind up two sets of escalators just to get to the first open exhibit rooms, then back to the Main original museum, then I had to come all the way back to the front of the museum for dinner, then do it all over to see the rest.  5 hours later and my legs and feet were killing me, but it was worth it.  I took pictures of my favorite pictures, but since flashes were not allowed I had to try and hold very still, but pictures were still fuzzy because I couldn't hold still enough.  I hope to post those pics this week.

Also went to Mike and Helen's for Thanksgiving which was very nice.  Lots of tears being thankful that Mike was still around after a bit of a scare earlier this year - even Mike was broken up, which I've never seen.  A good meal, then Pirate Dice, then my first time ever playing Texas Hold'Em!  Anne Marie and I were the last two standing and it was just about even so she said, "Let's split the pot!  I went home $15 richer, thank you!

Friday I was going to hit the Natural History Museum, but I woke up with a migraine.  I've had LOTS of trouble sleeping this week.  First of all, although I find I fall asleep faster if I have alcohol, I also find that I wake up every two or three hours and it's a very fitful sleep.  Yet one more reason to stop with the alcohol.  But this week, my acid reflux was SO bad it woke me up over and over the past 4 - 5 nights.  I had to sleep on the recliner one night because it was the only way TO get some sleep the reflux was that bad.  And that's taking prescription Protonix every day, too.  So now I have to go back to the very little, if any, caffeine rule.  No alcohol, except maybe on weekends and even then it should be with dinner and not late.  No giant meals.  No eating at least 3 hours before I go to bed.  THAT'S how bad the reflux has been!

Managed to get down to Lehman's General Store in Kidron Station, but Amy and I really only had about an hour and 1/2 to see things and I think we only saw half the store.  One of the most amazing places - where the Amish come to shop.  You can find all kinds of things for the country home - with or without electricity!  I LOVE that place!  Bought a GIANT bag of raw almonds for only $4.99.  I buy a container of almonds half that size at the local grocery store and it costs me $7.99!  Got a little bit of homemade fudge, too.  Wanted to buy a lot more - but limited on funds.  Amy got some pumpkin butter and some tea - they have the most amazing stuff at this place.

Today I went to go see Linda in her show "Christmas Belles."  It's kind of like "Greater Tuna" meets "Daddy's Dyin' Who's Got The Will?"  Very dysfunctional Texas family of sisters trying to put on the town Christmas pageant.  It has potential, but it wasn't quite there.  Some good people, Linda of course, but they are staging it at this catering/event place so they can have a dinner theatre show on Saturdays and it's not the best place.  The sound was not very good and for a matinee, they need to find a way to cover the 8 skylights that let in all the light.  Even with as gray a day as today, it was too bright. 

Oh, and one more thing I went and did this week.  I wasn't going to do it, but they are doing a musical at Hudson Players called "Monky Business".  Think "Nunsense" but with monks.  I really wanted a break - I even saw my sinus doctor this week and had a CAT Scan of my sinuses to see about the sinuplasty - but Adam and Deb, who are producing the show, both e-mailed me and said, "Only 5 guys auditioned last night, two of whom could barely make it up the stage stairs, PLEASE come audition."  So I went down the 2nd night, knowing very little about the show other than the monks have to raise $250,000 in one night or their monastery becomes a casino and that one of the monks is actually the Devil's minion.  Only one other guy showed up to audition that 2nd night when I was there.  The music director and the stage manager had to read lines with us because there's few scenes with only two monks.  I read several different ones, but had an idea for Brother Clarence, the one who is working for the Devil.  The director finally gave me a chance to read him, but said, "Can you read him like Paul Lynde?"  I said, "Well, I already had another idea in mind for the character if you'll let me try that first and see if that works?"  He said, "Sure, whatever you want to do with it."  I played it sort of Hans Conried... sort of.  It was just how I pictured the character.  And guess what part I'll be playing?  This is the first time I have auditioned for a show having NOT read the script nor listened to the music.  Glad I auditioned because I just listened to the CD that Steve Ryan gave me (By the way, Steve has been cast as Abbott Costello - that really is the name of the character) and even though not all the music is on the CD, the one big song that Clarence gets to sing - "Satan's Place" - is a killer number and I think it will be a new audition song for me! 

There are a couple drawbacks - since I'll be gone on vacation, I will really only get about 4 and 1/2 weeks rehearsal, so I'm bringing the script, music and CD with me to learn while on vacation - and it will be the dead of winter.  I get back late January 5th and the show opens February 5th.  So there's the potential of lots of driving in snow - and I HATE driving in snow.  And I'm worried about the prospect of possibly getting snowed in one night, or more, down in Hudson.  Which was one of the reasons I didn't really want to do a show.  During the winter, it's best to not travel far if you don't have to! 

But I've made that commitment and I always stick to my commitments, so it's Hudson Players we go!