I think may need to see someone about why I would get claustrophobia late in life and why it's getting worse.  Because that was bad.  The rest of the trip was easy.

I was on the road at 3:45am Friday morning.  Glad that I left 15 minutes earlier than intended because Pittsburgh was much more crowded on the freeways.  Last time I did this train was on a Saturday morning and no one was going into town.  This time, I-279 was pretty dang crowded by the time I got there around 5:45am, but at least it was moving.

I was the first one to get up to the door out to the platform upstairs.  While waiting for the train, two older gentleman - at least in their 60s, possibly in their 70s, came up and sat next to me.  Only took me a minute to realize they were a couple - they were wearing matching rings.  Very sweet.  Gave me hope!

They changed Business Class on the Pennsylvanian.  It used to be a 2-1 set-up.  2 seats with a small table between them and on the other side of the aisle, a single seat.  Very nice leather seats.  But it was maybe 21 seats total because it was only half a train car, with the other half of the train car taken up by the Cafe/Snack bar.  They now have a separate Business Class car - an old Metroliner Club Car, 60 seats total, 2-2, and no table or armrest separating the seats, which I didn't like at first.  But I don't think there was ever more than about 30-35 people in the car, so everyone pretty much had 2 seats to themselves, which was very nice.  I put on a sleeping mask at one point and was out for about 2 & 1/2 hours, which was very nice.  I wasn't going to take pictures, although I had brought along my camera just in case, but I ended up taking a LOT of pictures with my phone - way more than I expected because the countryside was so beautiful in Pennsylvania.  The fog kept rolling in and out which made for some very interesting pictures.  Got into NYC about 30 minutes late, but still enough time to head out to my brother's place via subway.  Left my stuff, got dinner and we headed back into Manhattan to see the play he'd directed.

Breakfast the next morning in the Williamsburg neighborhood of Manhattan at Jimmy's Diner.  The night before, when some "dudes" carrying guitars and basses got on the subway as we were getting off in my brother's neighborhood, he said, "Wow.  You live in Williamsburg and you're in a band?  How unique," in his typical sarcastic style.  That gives you an idea of how most of the people in his neighborhood are.  In fact, I could say that of most of New York City.  About the only people you really seem to see on the streets of that city are 20-somethings and the old neighborhood people, usually in their 60s, usually speaking a European language.  You almost never see any other type of people - no families, no everyday working man/woman.  It's almost all 20-somethings, trying to "make it."  And the other thing I noticed about New York?  The number of places that do NOT take credit/debit cards.  It's ALL cash.  Even the bars inside Broadway theatres - cash only.  Which makes NO sense to me.  You would think that in a city where it isn't safe to carry much cash because you never know when you'll be mugged, that even the hot dog vendors would take Visa, but that isn't the case.  I don't get it.

Andrew's friend Mike then came into town as well and we made plans to hit the TKTS booth, but when we heard how long the lines were, Mike went online and found discounted tickets - I think via Playbill.com - for "In The Heights."  We bought them online and headed into Manhattan.  Went into a couple of shops, then walked through a place called the High Line.  It is former elevated railroad tracks down on the West Side (Chelsea, I think) that have been turned into a park/walkway.  VERY nice.  Bunch of pictures to follow.  Walked a lot of that, then walked to the restaurant where my brother is currently working called Bobo.

Best. Meal. Ever.

Best meal I have ever had!  It was competing for best meal with the one I'd had at Queen Anne's Revenge restaurant on Daniel's Island in Charleston, SC.  This one passed over to best meal when I had the butterscotch pudding with tiny dark mocha chips for dessert!  I even took pictures of the meal, it looked so good.  Then jumped on the train and just made it into our seats 5 minutes before curtain.  And my train ride back yesterday.

We were delayed several times, which rarely happens on Amtrak's Pennsylvanian, but there was something about large rocks falling on the tracks somewhere and we had to slow way down until they were cleared.  So by the time I got back to Pittsburgh, drove home, picked up some groceries along the way for the rest of the week, it was 1am.  I called in another vacation day today because I was just wiped out.  Very glad I did - got some great sleep.

And now pictures - remember, all of these were taken with my cell phone, so some of them are not so great!

These will not be in the order I took them - I did a mass upload of the photos to make it quicker, so I'm putting them in the order they uploaded to Xanga - which I think might be alphabetical by the names I gave them.  As usual, click on any picture to take you to the "photo blog".  Click on the picture again in the photo blog and you should see the largest version.

"They say the neon lights are bright on Broadway"

Love this building!

This has to be a Frank Gehry design and at least it's not as ugly as some of his other works.  Taken while walking along the High Line.

Scott - our very cute waiter at Bobo

Empire State Building from the train in New Jersey

Greensburg, PA

The High Line

Love the windows reflecting on the buildings across the street.

Johnstown with the fog creeping back in.

Love the Eastern Orthodox church with the fog in the background

I never knew that Johnstown had an incline railway.

The Latrobe train station - loved all the skylights.

Leaving NYC - just out of Penn Station.

Our meal at Bobo's

The NYC skyline from New Jersey.

The Western PA countryside was GORGEOUS with the fog moving in and out.

Pennsylvania Sunset

The sign outside Jimmy's Diner in Brooklyn.

South Fork, PA

State Capitol in Harrisburg

Huge old Victorian house in Huntingdon, PA (yes, they spell it with the "d")

Cutie-pie and most adorable dog, Violet.  She is Andy and Tom's.

Waiting patiently for Andy to get out of the bathroom

Walking through Chelsea Market.

The Five Stages are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally Acceptance.  Her writings say that not everyone will experience all five.  Most people experience two or more.  Many people go back and forth amongst the five in a “rollercoaster effect”.

I think this is what I have been going through for the past five years and am finally arriving at Acceptance when it comes to the reality of the loss of my youth.

Come this November, I will have been single for 5 years.  I will have been “date-less” for three years.  And I am finally at the point where I could care less.   I think it’s because I’ve finally accepted that I am fat.  I look like I am pregnant.  I have even had people allegedly joke “When’s the baby due?”  Now that bugs the hell out of me.  Yes, you’re so special because you were blessed with the genetics that are going to keep you skinny all your life.  Good for you.  The reality is that my parents were both very skinny for the first halves of their lives, but after that?  Uh uh.  That’s what I’m fighting now.  It may not show, but I exercise at least 5 days a week doing P90X.  In fact, I am doing my third round of P90X.  It really does work.  My muscles are great - but my stomach - yeesh!!  You also need to eat right to get rid of the fat.  So I’m trying to do that, too.  But I’m not beating myself up anymore when I don’t follow the eating-right regimen. 

Yes, I would LIKE to be in good shape again and to be able to see the bottom half of my stomach when I look down, but I finally had something hit me while I was on the train last week.  Well, not even “hit me.”  More like a wave of “oh well” that settled calmly over me.  NEVER thought I could get to that place –  My “gay-dar” went off big time over someone who’d gotten on the train and I tried to catch his eye and when I finally did, I pretty much got a look of disgust.  Yet, instead of the usual bolt of depression or anger hitting me, I instead just thought, “Who are you kidding, dude?” 

I have to accept that I am fat, have turkey neck, and my eyes are as puffy as can be.  That reality hit home when I saw myself up on the big screen in the film I did two weeks ago.  My face looked like someone had blown up a balloon, left it inflated for about a week and then let out some of the air.  You know what I’m talking about – the balloon you find behind the couch about a week after the party?  That’s what I saw up on that screen.  It really did NOT match what I see in the mirror at all.  But then it dawned on me that when I look in a mirror, I usually lean forward against the counter, which in turn elongates my neck and stretches my skin and makes me look better than I do standing normally.  Seeing the double chin and jowls up there was a shock.  I almost started to cry, but then I just paid attention to the film and the fact that I am the one over-analyzing it.  I was told by several people with our film crew that I looked “very professional” and “really came across believably as a doctor.”  Considering I was on the screen for all of maybe one minute, it didn’t really matter much in the end.

I will be 47 in one month.  I am not a teenager or a 20-something-year-old and although some people swear that they think I’m in my 30s when they meet me, the reality is I’m not a kid, period.  And seeing my waistline expand these past 12 years and my skin sag and puff up and my hair thin out, I just didn’t want to accept it at first.  I believe I went through all but the Bargaining stage.  The Depression stage has been around for the past couple years.  But it’s only been the past week or so that when I don’t turn someone’s head or catch someone’s eye, I no longer get upset about it.  There is a nonplussed demeanor in me that I don’t think I’ve had before.   I just say to myself, “You’re fat.  Oh well.”  I’ve even taken to singing Weird Al Yankovic’s “Fat” to myself:

Because I’m fat, I’m fat, you know it!  Sha-mone!!

And I keep on keeping on.  I have other things I think about know.  I no longer obsess about catching someone’s eye or sucking my stomach in.  I mean, I do still suck my stomach in subconsciously.  It is now such that I have to remind myself to NOT suck it in all the time.  Besides, it may have been contributing to my back pain the past three years – the knot on my right side for which I am finally getting physical therapy.  My physical therapist even told me that I hold myself “too tightly”.  As she said, “Good posture is commendable, but too much of a good thing is bad for you.” 

And I no longer obsess that I live alone.

Instead I’ve been concentrating on my family and on getting my place into some semblance of order.  I got a recliner to match my couch.  I finally got a Tempurpedic box spring to go under my Tempurpedic mattress.  I went through a MAJOR Spring cleaning (I know it’s late Summer) last Friday night where I got my next door neighbor to remove the lock on the cabinet in my garage (I thought I’d lost the keys – turned out I locked them in the cabinet 2 years ago – luckily my neighbor removed the bolt and didn’t touch the lock so I can use it again!).  I went through a LOT of boxes in my place and decided what could go out in the garage and I filled up that cabinet and the rafters in the garage with stuff that I will only occasionally need.  And my place is now the cleanest it’s been.  I even bought a bed frame that is being delivered this weekend to replace the futon frame my bed sits on – I will FINALLY have a real bed for the first time since moving out on my own 25 years ago.  When I was done, I pulled a Zelda Rubenstein in “Poltergeist” and said out loud, “This house… is CLEAN!”

“This mind… is CLEAN!”  At least for now it is.  I think the depression and anger over my own self-image is finally gone.  I’m going to try to not beat myself up anymore.

I am concentrating now on getting my Great Dane that I have wanted for so long.  I am determined that I will read up on them, on how to train a dog, on the costs surrounding it, on coming up with the money to get a Great Dane as well as pay the condo fee to have a dog.  I am thinking more and more about it.  Especially since two days ago, I ran into some high school age kids at the Chagrin Falls Plaza walking a black and white Great Dane.  She was only a year and a half old and she was adorable.  She kept acting like a cat in a way, turning her head and rubbing it against the kids to try and get some attention or get them to pet her.  Very sweet.  I would LOVE to come home to a dog like her, have her curl up her head in my lap while I catch up on stuff on the DVR.  I would love having her in a (BIG) doggie bed next to mine at night.  And she would fit very well in my HHR… once I put the rear seats down!

THAT’S what I’m obsessing about now.  No longer thinking about someBODY to come home to; I’m thinking about getting through the day, what my next projects will be, etc.  I’m truly at a point where I don’t WANT to meet anyone.  I wouldn’t want to have to deal with all the garbage that comes with dating.  Please don’t give me that “Oh, that’s exactly when it happens!  That's when you meet someone!!”  To quote Homer Simpson, “Oooo and I’m a magic man from Happy Land!!”  I really don’t want to meet anyone, please.  Too much freakin’ effort and too much of me not acting like my true self to try and make an impression when I'm around someone on a date.  Don't want to do that crap anymore. 

I’m liking where I am and I’m OKAY with the fact that I am fat and although I will keep FIGHTING that fat, it’s a fact of life that it will be very difficult to get rid of it, so I might as well give it a nickname and be done with it.

Acceptance.

It is vulgar, violent to the point of cartoon at times, bloody, foul-mouthed (11-year-olds using language you wouldn't believe), well-shot, very-well timed, funny and a hell of a lot of fun to watch.  If you are a fan of "Kill Bill", this is definitely one for you.  And there's even a bit of an homage to "Kill Bill" in several scenes.  There's also a great 3-D comic animated scene in the middle of the movie that gives you background on some of the characters, a character mentioning "Scott Pilgrim (versus The World)" (which comes out this Friday), and Nicholas Cage.  In fact, there is one scene of Nicholas Cage imitating Adam West's Batman that is hysterical.  But like "Kill Bill", there are also parts that are not easy to watch.  And because the effects are so well done, I jumped out of my seat a couple of times.

But overall, a solid movie, and I hope there are more to come.  In fact, this is the first time I've seen a movie based on a graphic novel that really makes me want to go out and buy the novels it was based upon to see where they go.

I also watched "Premonition" this past weekend.  It was a Sandra Bullock movie from last year.  A little bit freaky, but very well cast.  And I'm not too sure I liked the ending.  I think I liked their "Alternate ending" more.  "Premonition" is a DVD I bought in the $5 bin at the grocery store, so I at least have all the DVD extras on that.  There is a blooper reel, which seems a little bit out of place on a psychological thriller, but there's some pretty funny stuff on it.  What intrigued me the most though, was this 30 - 40 minute film about real-life premonitions that was pretty freaky.  I may have to watch it again.

I am hoping this weekend to finally get out and see "Inception."  I've been putting it off because I wanted the crowds to die down, but I still want to see it on an IMAX screen.  YES!!! Cleveland FINALLY got an IMAX screen!  It's all the way out in Westlake at Crocker Park, but I think it would be worth it to see the movie there.  I'm just hoping it doesn't borrow too much from the movie "Dreamscape."  Nobody seems to remember that movie, even though it was a pretty big hit back in the '80s.  Dennis Quaid is a psychic working at a sleep research facility.  He and a couple other psychics are able to go into people's dreams and they try to help people who have horrible nightmares that keep them from sleeping.  But of course it turns out there's also a nefarious plot.  You see, they learn that if a person "dies" in their dream, then they usually die in real life, and usually from a heart attack.  There is a government team behind the research that wants to use this to assassinate people in their sleep, and they use one dastardly bad psychic guy to do it.  And they want to use him to assassinate the president (played by Eddie Albert) because he's going to pass some law they don't like.  And Dennis Quaid and the bad psychic both end up in the President's dream, one trying to kill him and one trying to save him.  Although the special effects are very cheesy now, they were pretty damn good for their time and it had its scary moments at the theatre.

I'm just hoping "Inception" isn't a rip-off of that.  But it's got Ellen Page, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Cillian Murphy - great cast!  So I'll try to see that this weekend.

I also want to make sure that I get to Cedar Point this Summer!  I want to keep going while my getting-older body will still allow me to tolerate amusement parks - plus last year was the ONLY year in all the years I've lived here that I didn't get to Cedar Point, so I must go!!

Anyway, time for bed.

I've been trying really hard to get to bed by 10pm.  Some nights it hasn't been until 11pm, but even that's better than midnight and 1am when I used to go to bed.  Plus, once I get back into theatre, I won't be getting to bed early again for a long time!!

Lottery win, where are you???  Want to know one of the MAIN reasons I want to become independently wealthy??  So that I can get 8 & 1/2 to 10 hours of sleep EVERY day!

Turns out that they also screen the films that did not get turned in on time.  Although those films are not eligible for awards, they can be voted on by the audience for the Audience Favorite Awards. Some of the films were, well, a little sad.  But I'm thinking that they were also first attempts by the group at filming, so I've got to respect them for that!

Not to be biased, but of our group, I think we have a very good shot.  Matt and Bobby, who were also behind The Road To Sundance web TV series, have a lot of experience under their belts when it comes to film-making, and it really showed in our film.  I think ours has a very good shot at at least being nominated.  Since many of the films tried to be comedic - or were unintentionally comedic - the audience saw "Silent Film" for ours and expected to laugh.  So we did have some unintentional laughs.  However, when it was revealed a minute or two in that our main character was deaf, they got very quiet and at least seemed rapt in attention.  A lot of people seemed to like our ending as well. 

You know how they say the camera adds 10 pounds?  Geez - apparently it added to my face.  Because if that is how I really look, yee gawds.  The shots of me were only from the chest up, so there was no seeing my monstrous stomach, but why is it when I look in the mirror, I see a fairly skinny face looking back at me, but what I saw on the screen looked like an overly bloated, very puffy face??  Why don't I see that fattie-fat-fat face when I look in the mirror??  Yee gawds.  Once I got over the initial shock of seeing myself on the big screen, the rest of our film was VERY well done.  I think we not only have a shot at Best Film, but also Best Cinematography, Editing, Acting Ensemble, and Directing.  Of course, I'm only judging that on the 10 films I saw.  Who knows what else was submitted by other groups?

At the end of the showing, the audience fills out a slip and must check off their three favorite films.  "Three shall be the number and the number shall be three!"  We had to vote for three, no more, no less.  The Audience Favorite awards go to the three top vote-getters.  However, for all the other awards, that is decided by a panel of three film makers.  The nominated films' directors will all be notified by e-mail on Monday.  And this Wednesday, all the nominated films we be shown at the Cedar Lee as a "Best Of" screening.  I'm not sure how it works from there - whether the three judge panel also makes the final decisions, or whether the audience or a larger panel then participates.  But I do know there will be five Best Film Nominees.  I am really hoping we get Best Acting Ensemble, just so I can finally add an award to my theatre/film resume.  It would be fun to say "award-winning film actor" in a bio!

The final awards are announced on Friday night at some big party at Anatomy Night Club in downtown Cleveland.  I don't know that I want to go to that, just because it's in the Warehouse District and that is where they are having problems with drunken idiots getting into fights at night.  If I go, I'll just hope the awards are announced fairly quickly and then I'll get out of there.

The one thing that I hope comes from all of this is that I get invited to do more films with Red Duck Pictures.  They are also going to submit our film to several film festivals upcoming here in Cleveland and the director said he'd let us know about that.  Could be fun!

Still haven't even downloaded the pictures off my camera from Lebowskifest.  I get caught up in other things.

Speaking of which, I'm trying to stay awake because I'm getting ready to embark on the 48 Hour Film Project.  Here is the website to better explain -

http://www.48hourfilm.com/

EDIT - finally wrote the rest of this today (Sunday) -

They have about 90 participating cities.  This runs all Summer.  There are several cities running the competition each weekend.  At an Opening Party, the heads of each registered film team show up and a character is drawn (the character name along with their profession), a prop is drawn, and a line of dialogue is drawn.  Then each team draws from a bag of different genres of film.  Each film must be 4 to 7 minutes long and has to be completely edited and scored within 48 hours of the drawing. 

I was at the house of the filmmakers down in Cuyahoga Falls just after midnight Friday night.  I had brought down clothes for going over what I would wear for scenes and they would go over the scripts.  It was decided at 2:30am that I wouldn't be needed until noon Saturday, so I went back home and got maybe 6 hours sleep before getting up to iron clothes and head back down there again.

The character this year was "Jack or Jill Hildebrand, a waiter or waitress".  The prop was "flowers" and the line of dialogue was "I want to try."  These are the three things that must be included in each of the films made here in Cleveland.  The genre we picked was "Silent Film."  Turned out that was just what the filmmakers (Red Duck Pictures) wanted.  They had an unusual idea for a silent movie - instead of your typical old-fashioned Charlie Chaplin type of comedy, this would be a current, color movie told from the viewpoint of a deaf woman.  You would hear no sound.  There would be subtitles only when the main character can see the other persons' faces because she reads lips.  It was also a drama.  She lost her hearing in an accident in which her husband and son were killed and now she was contemplating risky surgery to get her hearing back.  She keeps having flashes of horrible moments in her life.  Every time she smells or sees flowers, it reminds her of her husband and son.  I played the surgeon who recommended the surgery - and whom she sees just before going under the knife.  I was filming most of the day yesterday.

Slept very well last night - for the first time in a long time!  Boy did I need it!  Probably exhausted from the long day.

The film will be turned in tonight and all the films will be shown at the Cedar Lee Theatre this Wednesday and Thursday.  I am debating going - ours won't be shown until sometime during the 9:30pm time slot this Wednesday.  Wish it was the 7pm slot on Wednesday or Thursday instead.  I just don't like being up late during the week anymore.  Judging is done by a panel and they pick not only a Best Film, but awards for many other things like Best Acting and Best Cinematography.  The winner of Best Film in each city goes on to compete in the Finals.  Don't know if the finals are a "semi-final" round of just U.S. cities first, or if it's one Finals competition for all 90 cities.  The winners for Cleveland will be announced August 13th.  There is also going to be a "Best Of" showing on August 11th.  Think I may go to that one.

In the meantime, still got photos to edit!

Click on any picture and that will take you to the "photo blog" page.  Click on any picture there and you should be able to see a larger version.

You can see crew members up in the rigging here - I wouldn't want to be up that high!

That's the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame behind the Cleveland Cliffs barge.

Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame is the odd shaped white and glass building in the middle.

This is the Quay 55 Building.  For many years it was just an empty frame of an old building.  I had always thought it would make a great condo/apartment building and that's what they finally did.  The people who live here have a great view of the sun setting into Lake Erie every evening!

Somebody likes flags and pennants.

The sun reflecting off the buildings downtown and off the water.

Coming back - no more boats in the way and we were able to get right up close for pictures!

Note the crewman up high!

Replica of The Bounty - and I believe it was also used in one of the "Pirates Of The Caribbean" movies.

This ship had an all female crew - and all fairly young, too!  They were also the only ones who said "hello" as we went by.

The first song is "Grab On To My Heart."  I am thinking about re-writing the lyrics, because they're a little too simple.  Not only that, but the happy melody is too much in juxtaposition with the negative lyrics, so I think I may change the lyrics all together.  This was when I got to know the recording device a little better, so I was able to add three harmonies on top of everything else.

Grab On To My Heart by Eric Oswald
Written, Produced and Recorded by Eric Oswald
© Copyright 1995 Eric Oswald All Rights Reserved

Ever since we started
I thought you were the one
Ever since we started
I thought my search was done
But now it seems that you're only in it for fun
In it for fun

You tell me that you miss me
and that you really care
But ev'ry time you kiss me
it feels like you're not there
You make me feel so lonely
Oh, you make me feel so lonely

Grab on to my heart
before I stop believin'
Grab on to my heart
don't let me stop believin'
Grab on to my heart
before I stop believin'
Grab on to my heart

If you're worried 'bout me breakin'
well, I've been broken before
So I know there's no mistaken
just what we're headed for
Don't you have the strength to tell me?
Please don't have the strength to tell me!

Grab on to my heart
before I stop believin'
Grab on to my heart
don't let me stop believin'
Grab on to my heart
before I stop believin'
Grab on to my heart
Grab on to my heart
No, no, no-o-o-o, no

Next is "Broken Horses."  This one was recorded in one shot.  I had separate keyboard with a built-in drum machine playing the drums for me, I am playing two combined synth sounds on the one keyboard and I am playing and singing it live - all one shot. 

Broken Horses by Eric Oswald
Written, Produced and Recorded by Eric Oswald
© Copyright 1998 Eric Oswald All Rights Reserved

They shoot broken horses
why don't they just shoot someone like me
with a broken heart?
What good is a man morose
over somethin' that he just could not foresee?
Such a sorry heart
Such a broken heart

A child breaks a new toy and throws it aside
And like that child, your boredom you just can't hide

They shoot broken horses
why don't they just shoot someone like you
someone who has no heart?
You left me like a frozen corpse with no life,
no love left inside of me
Such a sorry heart
But at least I have a heart

You smile like a child with something to hide
And like that child, you wear it with a sense of pride

They shoot horses when they're getting sicker
You've got your finger on the trigger
Put me out of misery
Put me out of misery

They shoot broken horses
why don't they just shoot someone like me
with a broken heart?
What good is a man morose
over somethin' that he just could not foresee?
Such a sorry heart
Such a broken heart

A child breaks a new toy and throws it aside
And like that child, your boredom you just can't hide

They shoot broken horses
They shoot broken horses
They shoot broken horses
Why don't they just shoot someone like you?

And finally is "I'm Sorry For Falling In Love With You."  This one was probably actually written in the late '80s.  My former friend Wendy (she found televangelism, which ended our friendship) had a beautiful house in the Hollywood Hills (now owned by Andy Summers of The Police).  The house was mostly devoid of furniture, but she had this beautiful Steinway piano.  After many years, she had the piano completely refurbished and I was testing it out.  Hardwood floors, two-story ceilings and marble stairs made for some unbelievable acoustics.  Wendy had a 1/2 inch reel-to-reel recorder and I was just improvising and she told me to keep going and recorded me playing the piano and making up lyrics.  I started writing down the lyrics and adding to them, then I asked her to let me record harmonies and finally I added strings with the synthesizer and finished the song.  Recorded in one night and the result was beautiful.

I was only 23 years old when I wrote and recorded this.

I'm Sorry For Falling In Love With You by Eric Oswald
Written, Produced and Recorded by Eric Oswald
© Copyright 1986 Eric Oswald All Rights Reserved

I can't help the way I feel
the feelings just come through
I know you want someone to blame it on
but you know I can't help it

You wish that you could feel
the same way that I do
In time, you say that love could grow
but it could fade from view
You know I can't help it

I'm sorry for falling in love with you
I'm sorry, I'm falling in love with you
I'm sorry for falling in love with you
I can't help falling in love with you

Why do I always fall
with no one to fall to?
Just once (just once), I want someone
to feel the same way, too, over me

All of this one-sided love
has taken so much from me
Please, won't you let it grow
and give it back to me?
You know I can't help it

I'm sorry for falling in love with you
I'm sorry, I'm falling in love with you
I'm sorry for falling in love with you
I can't help falling in love with you

I can't help the way I feel
the feelings just come through
Just once (just once), I want someone
to feel the same way, too
Oh, you know, I can't help it

I'm sorry for falling in love with you
I'm sorry, I'm falling in love with you
I'm sorry for falling in love with you
I can't help falling in love with you

There is a feeling I cannot describe - I hear entire songs in my head.  I hear the production, the beat, the bass, the string, the harmonies, all in my head.  Sometimes they come to me when I'm working out, or when I'm driving.  Sometimes they come to me when I'm standing outside in the cold, waiting for someone who told me they were going to meet me, only for me to be stood up.  Sometimes they come when I'm at work, walking through the cubicles.  Back in the "ancient days" when I used to have an answering machine, I would actually call my machine from a payphone while out doing singing telegrams and sing the song into my machine in case I forgot it before I got home.  Trying to translate the songs I'm hearing in my head into an actual recorded song can be arduous for me, because I want to re-create that sound that I was hearing in my head.  When it works, like it did for "I Wasn't Born An Angel" and like it did for this song - it is a feeling I cannot describe.  It is goosebumps and butterflies in the stomach, and "thank you music gods for giving me not only the gift of the song, but allowing me to produce it to the fruition of what I am hearing in my head."  That is the best I can describe the feeling.  It is not a "self-important, oh look what I can do" feeling.  It is a "I don't know where this came from, but when I can make it work, I almost want to cry" feeling that I cannot adequately describe. 

I made a "demo tape" of songs that I started writing and recording back in 1994.  I think the tape was finished around 1998 or so.  I never really did much with it.  But my friend Lisa F was able to take the tape and transfer it over to CD for me just a few months ago.  I have just now taken that CD and downloaded it to iTunes.  Now the big test - I've found the file for the "title" song of the CD - "I Wasn't Born An Angel" - and am going to try and download it to my Xanga page to see if it works. 

This was a song that I started hearing in my head whenever I would workout at the gym.  It got to where I was fleshing out the lyrics and all the music inside my head, especially when running or stationary bike riding at the gym.  I was at the time living inside the offices of Eastern Onion Singing Telegrams in Beachwood.  There was a HUGE back room that was a rehearsal space.  It was also a perfect place acoustically for me to record.  I was back there from about 11pm until 3 in the morning many nights writing and recording the music.  I had my Yamaha DX-7 Synthesizer and my little microphone, along with a recorder which could record 4 tracks only onto a cassette tape.  It utilized all of the tape, so you could only record on one side - I learned that the hard way when I lost a song I had been recording on the opposite of a tape.  I also learned how to take two of the tracks and bounce them to a 3rd track combined together.  That way, I was able to record just the main sound from the synth on one track, then record vocals along with 3 or more tracks of harmony bounced to a single track.  That left me two other tracks for "drums" - which I created using the limited percussion sounds on my synth and playing the "drums" on the keys - and for adding other sounds.  I became very adept at getting a full sound onto the tape.  The only drawback was the terrible hiss that would come from so many vocal tracks, which I could not find a way to eliminate.

Anyway, here is the song I wrote, played and recorded all on my own in that big empty rehearsal room.  If this works, I'll add some more.

"I Wasn't Born An Angel" - Eric Oswald 
Written, Produced and Recorded by Eric Oswald
© Copyright 1995 Eric Oswald, All Rights Reserved.

Sunday, I decided to make a double feature out of two movies I had intended to see, but never got around to seeing. 

The first one was "How To Train Your Dragon."  Don, his two sons, and Amy and I had all gone to see it.  We'd paid our admissions and even seen the previews and watched the Opening Credits, but then the power went out in the entire building where we were.   I was a little sad, 'cause we were all set up for the 3D version of the movie.  And now that I have finally seen the 2D version of the movie, I bet the 3D version would have been fantastic.  Because what I saw at the Willoughby Cinemas was GLORIOUS!  This is a movie I definitely want to own.  It was beautiful to watch.  Just stupendous.  The subtleties from the looks of the characters and the dragons was too much.  The ONLY problem I had with this movie was that the kids in the movie had an American accent while all the adults had Scottish accents - and they were all supposed to be Vikings.  That was really my own complaint, but other than that - what an AMAZING movie!  I was literally clutching my throat at some of the scary parts - and getting a lump in my throat during some of the more poignant sequences!  And to see if for only a $1.50 on their larger screen?  Perfect.  I then saw "Clash Of The Titans", also for a $1.50 on one of their smaller screens.

Still worth it.  Sam Worthington is my new celebrity husband - plus it was as exciting as I remember the original movie to be.  Some great sequences with the special effects - especially the giant scorpions that had me clutching my throat and squirming in my seat!  Great cast and great fun to watch!  I didn't even know that was Ralph Fiennes as Hades until the end credits!

So maybe my duty in these theatre-free months is to continue to see movies in the theatre while I can!